Back Smack

Dear Jill from Juneau,

I hope you enjoyed your stay with us here in Whitehorse. I hope you enjoyed the down duvet and feather pillows, not to mention the swimsuit you borrowed to use the hot tub. I hope you didn’t mind us touring you around the best Yukon mountain bike trails, and feeding you fresh lettuce greens from my garden. It is unfortunate that I didn’t have a chance to read the smack talk you posted on your blog before you got here – I must have missed it while I was frantically cleaning and cooking in anticipation of your arrival.

I have some good news for you – next year, if you dare to cross the border, I will be waiting to crush you in the 24 Hours of Light race. You may have set the new female solo record – but I will take that record and annihilate it. Starting today, I will methodically prepare for the day that I destroy you, using all my Yukon powers. I will stop shaving my legs to create a warm covering that will keep me moving through the cold Yukon night. I will make friends with the local bears and coyotes and use them to block your path and distract you in the early morning hours. I will use all 22 hours of light to train my body into an endurance biking machine.

I know that you are scared, I know that you recognize you are coming to the end of your reign as the Whitehorse 24 Hours of Light champion, but I have more bad news for you Jill from Juneau – I’m half American. That’s right Jill, I am the spawn of a full-blooded American mother, which means in addition to all my amazing Canadian skills – I know how to win. I will dig deep into my American self and I will do whatever it takes. If it looks like you are ahead of me, I will jam a pump into your wheels then bunny hop over your sprawled body. If your insanely fit body has more speed/endurance (which we all know it does) – I will accidentally make the wrong turn and shorten the course by a couple miles (yeah – that’s right, I know what a mile is). I will use every manipulative trick known to cyclists and beat you in the name of freedom and democracy. So be prepared Jill – be prepared to hurt!

Sierra from Whitehorse

P.S Can I still come stay at your place when I visit Juneau?

Sierra posted this on Jul 01, 2008 from the outside | | permanent link